drift

i started working on this piece for the Queeratine Anthology but then realized that i cannot use it for that which sucks because i like it. love sucks. scroll down for poem and audio

multimedia drawing of a palm tree blowing in the wind with words in the leaves
drift

______________________________________________________

 

drift aka dry p2: wet

i want to make you
– wet
i want to make you
– cry
from joy
i want to make you
– burst
from orgasm

i want to see you

i am so
– stupid
i keep coming
back
even though
you
only
reject
me

is this love?

(only if)

stupid is next to i love you

you only
– need
-ed
to be
nice
to me

i would have
– loved
you

i did love you
love
burst
my heart

fragile
sewn together
at the seams
of past
– heartbreaks

i never asked you for anything

i wanted you
i wanted all you attention
i wanted
– you
to be
– nice
to me

i never realized that was asking too much

the coldness
in your eyes
as they wouldn’t didn’t
look at me
– as they
ignored
my existence

i heard the
shatter
in that moment
as my
heart rupture

if you would have
– looked back
you would have seen me topple
in pain
almost falling over

a pain i welcomed
as i knew
it meant i could
stop
loving you
…soon
soon i will stop loving you

you helped
after that
– moment
after i decided to
reach out again
fearful of future
awkward
social situations

i served my heart
– for you
on a platter
i made art
i was already making art
about you
that day
so i shared it
knowing
knowing
you would
never
– love me
i would never
– hold value
i would
– always
be disposable

but i have a secret…
– i am better than that
i am worth more than the value you give me.
– you
you have been a lesson
– stop loving narcissists
time for me to
graduate.

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