more writing i am over and done with and still like the cadence…
the inspiration
the inspiration was the crazy
i mean the crazy was the inspiration
the mess, from the mess came the
art
but it is all just a mess now
i am
alone
in my mess
all mine
to clean
is it really my mess
or the mess of every other fucker
i can logic out numerous possibilities
but i don’t know which is the most likely
i think it is the one
where you want to keep him all to yourself
i think this is why the ancestors gave me the message for you
i did not understand
i never understand their messages but they seem to mean something to those who they are meant for. most of the time. if you listen.
no i shouldn’t be petty. it is more likely that
i am just fucking nothing.
how would someone like you like somebody like me.
heartbroken
not at the loss of you that i never had
but the me that i thought for a brief moment was lovable
For a moment i realized
for this moment
i have been able to see that it isn’t me
it is you
for a moment i realized that i need to stop trying to change myself to become something
that you want
i need to change me to something i want
if you are not ready for me than that is on you
i showed up
…
is it weird that the place on my back
where my wings would have been attached
hurts
it just aches
….
it aches like the place where i just ripped
out
the cords
that
attached
me
to
you
i couldn’t wait
i couldn’t wait for the right tools
i bit into the cord
a frightened animal
trying to gnaw my leg off to get out of a trap
tears running down my face
i cast the spell
that
breaks
you
from
me
from
my
thoughts
from
my
heart
…
my ancestors start screaming at me
and i cry more
i try to burn sage to appease them
they take it all
the casting container
burns hot
i can’t stop crying
they won’t stop screaming
they have been enraged for months
i am not sure what i am too do differently
i tried to do what they wanted
now they are calling me back
this corporeal body
to separate from
this spirit
…
i am sorry i failed
