I usually let me feelings have time to bounce back from where i was at with a piece i have written. Then it burns less when a critic gets it. But i only wrote this 3-4 months ago. My feelings have definitely morphed though and i do like the cadence.
Spoken version of Heartless
Written Version of Heartless
the world is falling apart
so are my dreams of you
my dreams of the future
we are a part
we were never a together
in this life
my mind wanders into
parallel dimension
where we spoke
where i know the
feeling
of
your
hand
on my side
your breathe
on my neck
i can no longer
dream
how can i exist
with this knowing
with you so far away
the heart
in my chest
that started to beat again
struggles
under the weight
of our world
our identities
this life ain’t something for someone like you and me
i should have stayed at home
kept my love locked down
i have no words so i have to steal them from others
your eyes trace me, steal my heart from across the room
yet run anywhere but at me when i am close
you the hunter
me the prey
a cat batting at a
half dead mouse
part of me truly
did
desire
to
be
consumed
by
you
die
an
ego
death
find
myself
in
another
but
i am truly
lost
lost in the heat of it all
denial
helps nothing
i have to face the reality that
i am unlovable
broken
burden
let me alone
in my
suffering
this mortal body
these nerve endings
expire
transpire
in the depth
of my
disorder
i am anger
for a moment
i believed
no more
i packed up my woes
and put them in a rocket
in a pocket
in a song
yet to be written
words, lyrics fall onto a page
then fade
like
love
has an expiration
don’t lie to us
you don’t want them to fail
your love buzz
but the heart stopped working again
is it all in my mind
is it all in this broken failing heart
we fish in swollen art
curated by the oppressor
we cannot break free from those
likes
feeds narcissism
a moth to a flame
i fly in search of you
a moth to flame
i burn alive
suffer
the scars of my past
the red flags
people actually punish others for
not doing something they have decided should have been done
in their own heads
well back up
people punish others
what is punishment
power over
it is abuse
punishment is abuse
it doesn’t matter why
we oppress ourselves
no need for any work from the
oppressor
the love suppressor
meant in two ways
from tuesday
yesterday’s
cake cake cake
colonizers using love to
control the herd
to bred
societal pressure to uphold standards
colonizer suppressing love
interracial love
queer love
disabled love
black love
indigenous love
suppressed
repressed
oppressed
obsessed
i might struggle with ocd
but don’t tell my psych
i have it under control
managed
i am done
i was done
i am so tired of being invisible
you are way outta my league
it’s a silly little game and the sentences are scribbled on the wall
and i am back to my ways ‘cause
i’m heartless
