Heartless

I usually let me feelings have time to bounce back from where i was at with a piece i have written. Then it burns less when a critic gets it. But i only wrote this 3-4 months ago. My feelings have definitely morphed though and i do like the cadence.

Spoken version of Heartless

Written Version of Heartless

the world is falling apart
so are my dreams of you
my dreams of the future

we are a part
we were never a together

in this life

my mind wanders into
parallel dimension
where we spoke

where i know the
feeling
of
your
hand

on my side

your breathe 

on my neck

i can no longer
dream

how can i exist
with this knowing
with you so far away 

the heart
in my chest
that started to beat again
struggles

under the weight
of our world
our identities

this life ain’t something for someone like you and me

i should have stayed at home

kept my love locked down

i have no words so i have to steal them from others

your eyes trace me, steal my heart from across the room
yet run anywhere but at me when i am close

you the hunter
me the prey

a cat batting at a
half dead mouse 

part of me truly
did
desire
to
be
consumed
by
you

die

an
ego

death

 

find
myself
in
another
but
i am truly
lost
lost in the heat of it all

denial
helps nothing

i have to face the reality that
i am unlovable
broken

burden

let me alone
in my
suffering

this mortal body
these nerve endings
expire
transpire
in the depth
of my
disorder

i am anger
for a moment
i believed

no more
i packed up my woes
and put them in a rocket
in a pocket
in a song
yet to be written

words, lyrics fall onto a page
then fade
like
love

has an expiration

don’t lie to us
you don’t want them to fail
your love buzz

but the heart stopped working again
is it all in my mind
is it all in this broken failing heart

we fish in swollen art
curated by the oppressor
we cannot break free from those
likes

feeds narcissism

a moth to a flame
i fly in search of you

a moth to flame
i burn alive

suffer
the scars of my past

the red flags

people actually punish others for
not doing something they have decided should have been done
in their own heads

well back up
people punish others
what is punishment

power over
it is abuse
punishment is abuse
it doesn’t matter why

we oppress ourselves
no need for any work from the
oppressor

the love suppressor
meant in two ways
from tuesday
yesterday’s
cake cake cake

colonizers using love to
control the herd
to bred
societal pressure to uphold standards

colonizer suppressing love
interracial love
queer love
disabled love
black love
indigenous love
suppressed
repressed
oppressed
obsessed

i might struggle with ocd
but don’t tell my psych

i have it under control
managed

i am done
i was done

i am so tired of being invisible

you are way outta my league

it’s a silly little game and the sentences are scribbled on the wall

and i am back to my ways ‘cause
i’m heartless

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